Friday, December 18, 2009

Why girls shouldn't pee standing up.

I was having a conversation with a friend and she brought up something about her daughter having tried to pee standing up. Well, that brought a flash back to the following story. Out of extreme curiosity about how boys peed standing up, I tried it. I had no brothers so I simply had to use my imagination. Well, it worked poorly and ran down my legs. What a horrible mess. But the curiosity and the freedom of that act stayed with me into adulthood.

A few years ago my husband and son and I had been doing some hiking. It was always a big pain when I had to go pee outside because I had to go fairly far off trail to find good coverage, squat, and fight all sorts of factors to keep myself upright and dry.

But one day, I found on the internet, a quite ingenious device. It was called the Travelmate and it looked sort of like a medicine spoon with holes at both ends. The purpose was for women who were kayaking or hiking to have a more modest and easy way to pee in the woods. I was thrilled. I was so excited, in fact, I ordered one for myself and one for my mother. I knew she had secretly dreamed of being able to pee standing up as well. That, and she LOVES gadgets.

The package insert explained that I would need to practice. And practice I did. It felt quite silly and it was really hard to release those muscles after years of training to only do it in a squat or sitting position. One simply pressed the "spoon" end of the device up against the appropriate place on her body and aimed. Then she had only to tap or shake just a little to keep from dripping.

I was beside myself with excitement when we got ready for our next hike. My Travelmate device was snugly and discreetly tucked away in my front pants pocket. We hit the trails. I was sure to drink plenty of water since peeing outside was no longer going to be a harrowing ordeal for me. Before long, I felt the inevitable urge to water the trees. (I had heretofore only been able to water the grass, poison ivy, and dead leaves.)

I walked just a little ways off the trail and confidently applied my urination device whilst keeping my rear end covered and maintaining both dignity and balance. In a moment of excitement I willed myself to just let it go. Unfortunately, in my eagerness to be one of the boys, I had not placed the device snugly enough against my body to get a good seal. I had a stream of urine leaving the end of the tube and running all over my hands and down both legs. I used the hand sanitizer in my other pocket and sheepishly returned to my waiting family on the path.

Neither my son nor my husband would walk near me the rest of the hike. And wet jeans just weren't comfortable at all. I kept the device with plans to make a better go of it next time. But I could never bring myself to try it again. After a couple of years, I threw it away in disgust. Who needs a medicine spoon with holes on both ends? Too bad I tossed it. A friend of mine suggested it might be helpful during labor.

When I looked the device up on google, I was surprised to find there are all sorts of devices which might be more user friendly these days. Enjoying browsing. If you use one... please let me know how it goes. Here is a link to the Travelmate device so you can buy your own

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That was really funny! Makes me think of the time when my oldest daughter was about 3 and at pre-school and did that. She said she wanted to be a boy so that she can pee standing up. I couldn't really blame her.